Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
