It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
