that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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