the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
