Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
