Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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