After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
