just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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