I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
