how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
