drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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