my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
