omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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