It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
