Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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