Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
