i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
