Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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