yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
