My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
