Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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