You smell like a Billy Joel song
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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