I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
