just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
