Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Your tits are I can't wait for
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
