sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
