Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
