you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
tell me about the eggs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
