He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
