Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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