Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
