Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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