I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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