that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no, he came in my armpit
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she peed on how many people?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
