Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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