I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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