You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
