My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
