Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
