My hand turned me down
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
