Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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