My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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