he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
