Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
