Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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