Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
