So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
