Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
