i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
