He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
