Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
