I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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