don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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