you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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