How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
