i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
